By Derek Braid

I read a piece earlier today which called Roy Halladay over-rated and instantly tore through an excruciating emotional cycle.

I refuse to link to the original piece, so you’ll have to take my word for it that someone actually wrote (and hence, believes) that Harry Leroy ‘Roy’ “Doc” Halladay is bloody over-rated. I submit to you the fragile introspections that brewed following the sight of such baseless criticism of one of baseballs’ finest.

Denial: There is no way someone is dumb enough to believe that Halladay is over-rated. No sane person can ignore his career stats, the significance of his 5 All Star selections and the Cy Young Award of 2003?

Anger: How could I stand idly by while an individual grossly disrespects the only reason baseball is worth watching in Toronto?

Aggression: I’d like to meet this guy and beat some sense into him — a solid 3:1 ratio of K’s to BB’s like Halladay will suffice (and by K’s I mean strikes to the face, throat and sternum, BB’s of the boots to the ass and kidneys variety).

Depression: Beating stats into people will never cause them to change their opinion of someone. If you’re foolish enough to claim Halladay is over-rated, you probably dislike his trademark beard, rather than his ability on the mound. This hopeless neglect is deeply saddening, my waning motivations are powerless in face of such dire futility.

Bargaining: But wait, there’s more — he finishes nearly 1/6th of the games he starts, has an insanely low career WHIP of 1.21 (Top 10 Active) with opponents managing a hit against him but 1/4th of their at-bats, and has been one of the best pitchers in baseball since 2002 (3rd Active W/L- 106/45, Top 10 Active ERA+, youngest Active member of the 11SO Club, finished 1st, 3rd and 5th in Cy Young voting, and is feared and respected by his accomplished peers).

Acceptance: 50% of the population is below average intelligence, so there are bound to be idiots everywhere. It’s a shame they have to write about things in which they have failed to give adequate consideration to, but their short-comings ultimately benefit crusaders of truth and accurate characterizations like myself. I win, life is great.

Cloud 9 Sports