What’s the big hubabub-bub about steroids anyway?

It was legal and it helped star athletes heal better. And if they called a couple of call girls in the process all the better. A man has gotta relax.

So what he threw a broken bat at Mike Piazza and his gay porn pride mustache? We all knew he was, well, you know, “competitive.”

Really, it wasn’t like Clemens had sex with the cleaning lady.

Roger Clemens is vehemently denying he did the ‘roids thing by using the classic Costanza defense strategy:  “Was that wrong? I gotta tell ya, I have to plead ignorance on this one.”

The Costanza defense theory has a poor track record and it's likely to stay that way.

Seriously, (for just a second) scorn a person’s trust enough and cynicism is bound to set in. If Clemens did in fact cheat then he has to come clean. It’s a standard now to deny, deny, deny and hope that all is forgotten.

If memories can’t be distracted invade a country or if that proves a little complicated and out of your moral limits then just do what Marion Jones did and return your medals with a long, embarrassed grin and say, “Ooops?”

Clemency is the root word for Clemens. If Rocket ‘Roider tells the truth it will be granted.